And your life
Was an open book,
You used to say,
"Live and let live."
But if it's getting tough to stay a vegetarian,
There's something you can try:
FAKE CHICKEN POT PIE!!!
HOW YOU DO
Go right ahead and drop a stick of butter into your large cast iron pan or other sautee pan. And bust out with the mirepoix:
3 Carrots in bite-size pieces, washed but unpeeled
5 or so ribs of Celery with their greens, chopped.
Pearl Onions to taste -- you can peel them yourself or use frozen. The frozen ones will be softer and sweeter.
Add two tablespoons of Poultry Seasoning (Schilling or whatever, but not stale, ok?), a teaspoon of Nutritional Yeast if you've got it, half a teaspoon Turmeric, one and a half teaspoons of salt, lots of finely ground black pepper and a teaspoon or so of Vegetable Boullion.
Sautee this mixture until the veggies begin to soften, so that the seasonings meld together and blossom in the butter and add your fake meat. I suggest one of three options:
- Quorn nuggets are bestest, but somewhat hard to find. But check that calorie to protein ratio. It's awesome. It totally justifies eating a ton of butterfat in pie crust, butter and cream forms.
- Trader Joe's Chickenless Strips, torn into smaller pieces
- Homemade gluten Mock Chicken
Then add a cup of water and turn the heat up so that the broth/gravy marinates into the "meat" and boils down again drier. This is an Indian "technique" called Bhuna. I wish I were lying. Everything simple and intuitive has a name. That thing you do when you hold your nose shut and blow to pop your ears? The Valsalva Maneuver. You can put that on a business card: "Expert in maneuvers Valasalvic and Heimlichean." Anyway, talking of bhuna reminds me that this recipe become my equally sinful SAMOSA PIE if you leave out the chicken, add cauliflower, potato, and lots of garam masala, aniseed and curry.
Next, add a cup and a half of cream! Like a boss! Or half and half, like an underboss. Stir the cream in. Slowly sift in, with a sifter like a good girl, a tablespoon and a half of corn starch and mix it carefully so it doesn't form clumps. Now is the time to drop in 2 cups Frozen Peas! When the gravy comes to a bubbling boil, the starch will thicken. Now you can turn the heat off and fill your pie shell!
I don't tell you how to make your pie crust. I don't know your life. Figure out some way to get two crusts. Lie, cheat, I don't care. I'm not even gonna tell you which one goes on top. That's homework. Alls I knows is: I don't make pie crust because I'm too fancy so I ride down to Trader Joe's in my gold limousine and have my man go in and get their frozen ones because they're vegetarian (other brands not so much FYI). Meanwhile, back at the manse...
Into the oven at 350 for about 30 minutes!
